Are unmet expectations damaging your relationships? Discover what the Bible says about expectations and how expectations kill relationships from a faith-based perspective.
💞 Relationship Blog Series
In our journey through this relationship series, we began with Episode 1 “God’s Blueprint for Perfect Relationships”, where we established the divine design God intended for our relationships.
We explored the foundational principles that guide healthy relationships – God’s purpose, His pattern, and His path for relationship.
In Episode 2, we will look at how expectations kill relationships, especially when they are unspoken, unrealistic, or rooted in selfish desires. Often, these unmet expectations open the door to offense, bitterness, and emotional distance.
Jesus, in Matthew 5:1–2, begins His Sermon on the Mount by teaching principles that challenge our natural responses to hurt and disappointment.
In Matthew 5:44–47, He goes further, commanding us to love our enemies, bless those who curse us, and do good to those who hate us. This episode will help us examine how carrying offenses rooted in unmet expectations prevents us from loving like Christ and how releasing those offenses can heal and restore our relationships.
Love Without Expectation – A Spiritual Law
It is not that you don’t love, you love, but the kind of love you have is often conditional love, a love with expectations in relationships.
You’ve been loving and kind, but much of that love carries a silent demand: for appreciation, for reciprocation, for emotional return. You hardly love people unconditionally or without strings attached.
But what the Bible teaches is not this transactional love, it is unconditional love, love without expectation. This kind of love is a spiritual seed, sown not in the flesh but in the Spirit.
When we love without expecting anything in return, we are honoring God. That is what it means to sow to the Spirit to love in a way that reflects the character of God, who is Spirit, and calls us to worship Him in spirit and truth (John 4:24).
When your love is born out of total submission and humility before God, your reward comes not from people, but from your Heavenly Father, who is our ultimate Rewarder.
This is what Jesus points to in Matthew 5:44, when He commands: “Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you.” This is the Biblical response to offense. It is love beyond emotion, sacrificial love, rooted in spiritual maturity.
How Expectation Kill Relationships: A Biblical Perspective
Relationships often break down not because of what someone did, but because of what we expected them to do. The silent demands (expectation not communicated, action for reciprocation, and tit for tat) we place on others to respond a certain way, show appreciation, repay kindness, or meet unspoken emotional needs become the breeding ground for disappointment and offense.
In today’s world, almost every act of love or kindness carries a hidden motive: material reward, emotional validation, or social recognition. But God’s love operates on a different level.
It is unconditional and sacrificial, given without expectation. This is the kind of love Jesus describes in Matthew 5:44, when He says, “Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you.”
Offense often springs from misplaced expectations. You expected a thank-you and didn’t get it; loyalty and felt betrayed; respect and received silence. But Jesus made it clear in Luke 17:1: “It is impossible that no offense should come.” The issue isn’t whether offense will happen, it’s how we respond when it does.
When we love with expectations, we make others responsible for our emotional peace. That’s a burden they were never meant to carry. When they fall short, the result is frustration, bitterness, and damaged relationships.
But when we cut down our expectations and choose to love purely, sowing to the Spirit (loving purely with expectation “unconditional love”), we honor God, not ourselves. And in doing so, we position ourselves for a greater reward, God’s own love poured back into us.
Conclusion: How Expectation Kill Relationships
It’s not that we don’t love, we often do. But most of our love comes with strings attached: expectations for kindness in return, for recognition, for loyalty. That kind of love is natural even worldly.
But God calls us to a higher standard: love without expectation. That kind of love is sown not into the flesh but into the Spirit, and it is God Himself who rewards it.
When we expect certain behaviors and those expectations are not met, we often become offended. Offense is born not just out of pain, but from disappointed expectations.
Jesus warns us in Luke 17:1 that offense will come, it’s inevitable. The real issue is not the offense itself, but how we respond to it.
If we respond with bitterness, we forfeit the spiritual harvest that comes from loving unconditionally. But if we respond with maturity, blessing those who hurt us, praying for them, and choosing not to keep record of wrongs, then we walk in the divine love of the Father.
In Episode 3, we will explore how our response determines whether we remain bound by human emotions or rise into the freedom of God’s love. The more we love without expecting, the more we mirror the heart of our Heavenly Father and that is where true blessing lies.